The Ass Kick: My Story - Episode Transcript

Helen

Hi, I'm Helen, and this is Why Mums Don't Jump - busting taboos about leaks and lumps after childbirth. All the stuff that happens to your pelvic floor that no one ever talks about. Incontinence, prolapse, pelvic pain - problems that affect millions of women, one in three. I'm one of them. I have a prolapse. My pelvic organs fell out of place after the birth of my second child five years ago. And if you'd told me then I'd be speaking about this stuff out loud, I would have told you to give your head a wobble.

I've wanted to make this podcast for a really long time, partly because when it happened to me, I felt there was a real lack of good information out there and definitely a real lack of support. I just felt like I was the only person in the world in this position. And now, of course, I know that I'm really, really not. So this is about trying to change things a bit. Take away the shame. End the stigma. Find recovery or find acceptance. Over the next few episodes, I'll be speaking to some of the amazing professionals who live and breathe pelvic floors and to other women with broken bits, because hearing their experiences is one of the things that has really helped me to come to terms with mine. So with that in mind, I really wanted to share my story. I don't find it easy to talk about. It's not easy to talk about, is it? So I have enlisted some help. This is Cath. She's my best friend of nearly 30 years.

Helen

<You look pretty special!>

Helen

I'm not usually quite this rude to her, but she is wearing her husband's grey joggers while sweeping out a newly plastered kitchen. I met Cath at school. And you know that friend that you can ring in the middle of the night when your boyfriend's dumped you? Or they'll tell you straight up if your bum looks big in this? Well, that's Kath, and she's the perfect person to give me the kick up the ass that I need to get started.

Helen

Do you remember when I told you I wanted to do a podcast about fannies? Do you remember that?

Cath

I do remember that.

Helen

And did you think I was crazy?

Cath

No, not at all. Why? People do podcasts about stuff that's important to them, right?

Helen

Yes.

Cath

And this is hugely important to you?

Helen

Yeah.

Cath

Still don't like the word 'fanny', but.

Helen

What would you prefer? Vulva?

Cath

I would actually prefer that.

Helen

Would you?

Cath

Yeah.

Helen

Okay. Noted. I will bear that in mind.

Cath

And why is it so important to you?

Helen

Because it is life changing. It just changes everything about who you are, how you live your life, how your parent, how you move every day. Every thought is about, 'Is this going to make it worse?' And I just think so many women are living with this stuff in complete isolation because nobody talks about it.

Cath

Okay, so we haven't even talked about what it is yet.

Helen

Okay...

Cath

Which is interesting, though, isn't it?

Helen

Well, exactly, because it is really hard to find the words, and I'm probably going a bit red. I don't feel comfortable saying vagina, vulva, words like that out loud, but I'm going to get over that. I can get past that.

Cath

We still haven't talked about what it is.

Helen

For me?

Cath

Yes

Helen

Okay. Pelvic organ prolapse - it's such a horrible kind of phrase - but for me, that is basically where the muscles - I'm not a doctor - where the muscles of your pelvic floor are knackered and they stop supporting the pelvic organs, which kind of sit on top of them, the bladder, the bowel, your uterus. And so those things kind of fall into each other and come out of position. So I remember the actual point at which it happened.

Cath

Yeah? So it didn't happen straight away after birth?

Helen

No. So you know, I had bad tear. I had a third degree tear. So I had surgery for that. And then it was seventeen days later, to be exact, and two things had happened: I'd lifted up my toddler, and then I had strained on the loo to do a poo, which is always fun after you've had a baby at the best of times...

Cath

Always happens after you've had a baby...and before you have them actually as well.

Helen

All of that. And I was rushing to get back to screaming baby. And then within minutes, I just felt like a lump in my vagina.

Cath

So you could actually feel something?

Helen

You know like if a tampon is coming out and you just feel like a bulge thing. Because, I mean, nothing felt right down there anyway, right? I couldn't sit down without a pillow because of the tear anyway. But then this was different. And I remember going upstairs, getting a mirror, having a look. Honestly don't think I have ever in my life looked at my own vulva before then. Did not even know that's what it was called. So I could see that it did not look right, but I didn't really know why it didn't look right. So Google Images. Wow. Can you imagine? Because I didn't have the words, because I'd never...this? Prolapse? What's that? That was not on my radar at all. No one had ever...I never knew that was a thing.

Cath

No I don't think I actually remember anybody mentioning it to me.

Helen

So I kind of hit on that after a while, and well, that was it really. I was still under the care of the midwife, so I texted her and in that moment, I'm reading what this is. My insides are falling out. I'm this far off calling an ambulance because that feels quite bad, right? I didn't call an ambulance. I guess that would be really embarrassing.

Cath

I'm sure people call ambulances for worse things.

Helen

That is true. But yeah, that was kind of like the start of it, really. And then the more you Google or the more you know, the more you read about it, the more you realise it can't really be undone. And it's that kind of permanency that just really hits home. And then just everything that you read about - well, not just everything that you read, but everything you're advised about not running, not jumping, not lifting, just not, not, not not. And that's on top of any symptoms that you might have. My symptoms aren't that bad. A lot of people get really bad incontinence, really bad pain. It just is life changing. And in that moment I was like, right, well, I'm never going to be...that mum that I imagined I was going to be. And I just kept thinking about um - you know we would always go on holidays to Cornwall - and my mum and dad and me and my brothers would always be playing on the beach in the evening - rounders and piggybacks and throwing each other around and stuff. Sorry, okay. And I just thought, that will never be me. And it won't be me anymore and I won't be the mum that I want to be. And it's just stuff like that. It's just really...

Cath

Do you still carry that now, that feeling?

Helen

Yeah! I have to say, in the last couple of years I'm feeling much better about it because I started talking about it. And I started my Instagram page and I've met other mums who have it. And I'm coming to understand that all that kind of, don't do this, don't do that, don't do this - it's not as simple as that. And actually there are ways to get back to doing that stuff because it is that balance, isn't it, of what you need to do in your life...between calculated risks kind of thing. And that's kind of the point that I'm at now.

Cath

But at that moment it was like a tonne of bricks?

Helen

Yeah. Just came over. And I know that's how people feel about this. And for a lot of people, that's it then. That's how they're going to live their life, or just not live their life. And that's why I want to make this podcast, because there's no charity, there's no helpline, there's no support group. And like I said, the thing that's really helped me is hearing the stories of other women. And it's not just prolapse. People have other unmentionable issues with hideous incontinence and debilitating pain and it's just not talked about.

Cath

I wonder what's behind that? Why did we not talk about that?

Helen

Because it's so embarrassing!

Cath

Do you think that's it?

Helen

Yeah. Well, I think it's complicated. I think it's really embarrassing. I think you blame yourself. I certainly did. Why did I not do more pelvic floor exercises? Why did I strain on the loo?

Cath

Cos you needed a poo!

Helen

I wouldn't have if I'd known that that could happen. So part of my thing is like, we should be telling people that this could happen. If you come out of major surgery, having had a baby in a third degree tear. Don't strain on the loo, Helen, because your insides might fall out. If someone had said that to me, I definitely would have remembered that. Nobody said that to me.

Cath

That actually sounds like you're quite angry as well.

Helen

I'm totally angry about it. I am, because actually, I mean, who knows, right? It's could have happened, whatever, but I kind of feel like it didn't need to happen. And I think for a lot of people, this stuff doesn't need to happen. And I think for a lot of people, they can improve their situation, but the help and support isn't available for them to know that. And I think at the very least, you can help people come to terms with it, kind of accept it and live a life anyway. And I think that's not available. If you think about it, the reason there's no charity is definitely because it's embarrassing, right? How can you ask people for money? No one's going to run a marathon dressed as a big fanny, raising money to fix people's vaginas.

Cath

You know what? I would absolutely love it if you did that. If you do that, I might actually do that with you. In fact I would! As long as we wouldn't call it a fanny. And also I can't run a marathon, but I would do something else.

Helen

But you know what I mean? You can't fundraise for a problem that no one understands, that you can't talk about. I think historically, the medical world has been male dominated. Why are you ever going to figure out how to fix a problem that you don't know about? I think a lot of people think of it as an old lady problem, which I think is another reason why people don't kind of report it.

Cath

How many people suffer from prolapse then?

Helen

I've been really trying to find out, and not just about prolapse, but about other pelvic floor dysfunction, and there is very little research. The best kind of figures I could find is that one in three women over the age of 25 has pelvic flood dysfunction of some sort. So I have to do this.

Cath

Do it, then! You are doing it. You've already started doing it.

Helen

So that's me. One in three. And this is just the start. There's so much more we need to talk about, both physical and mental. We'll get through it together. In the next episode, I'll be meeting up with my women's health physio, Katie, who is lovely and funny and has helped me massively. We'll be going back to basics on a whole range of pelvic floor problems. And I promise not to cry this time. You've probably realised by now that I'm not a medical professional. I'm actually a journalist. So please don't take anything you hear as medical advice, but do get involved. Subscribe, tell me what you think and spread the word, tell a friend spam a WhatsApp group? Put an advert on a bus. Let's end the stigma together. You've been listening to Why Mums Don't Jump with me, Helen Ledwick. You can find me on Instagram @whymumsdontjump or online at whymumdontjump.com, where I'll put more information about each episode. Bye for now.